I think by the end of this post you’re going to think I’m a little crazy, but it’s summer and everyone’s at the beach, and it’s a time when politicians are passing ridiculous laws that we forget to pay attention to because we’re absorbed in our Us Weekly (no, but Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck? Whyyyyy?!?!) and it’s also time for me to come out about one of my weirdest obsessions. Hehehehhe. Yep.
For me, one of the most disconcerting things about street fashion, once the nice weather arrives, is all the feet we start seeing on the street.
Sandals, bare feet, thongs, etc… Anything that shows your feet, basically. It always takes me a couple of weeks to adjust. To me, it’s like if everyone suddenly started showing their breasts. Whoooooa, that’s a little too intimate, everyone, put those away!!
Then after about a month, I calm down, I get too hot, and I start showing my bare feet too.
The thing is, I have a sort of supersonic eye that surprises even me. I. See. Everything.
One single gray hair in a mass of blonde can’t escape me. A pair of color contacts? I can spot them in a second. I can tell if you dyed your hair in a rush. And on the contrary, I always notice perfectly applied makeup. Or a well-placed beauty mark. And I could probably recognize my acquaintances just by looking at their hands.
There’s no judgment. I’ve just realized it’s a thing I have, after saying things like: “Did you see the beautiful amber colored eyes of the girl at the table over there?” and having people look at me surprised and say: “Huh??? Oh, no. I didn’t notice…”
My sister is exactly the same, by the way, and she has the same fascination/aversion for feet. When we were little, in our village, we used to watch tourists walk by with their Birkenstocks and we’d rate their feet. It was silly, but we thought it was hilarious!!!
I’ve always found feet strange. Mine in particular. It’s nothing a good pedicure + tan + satin moisturizer can’t fix. I’m the first to appreciate a beautiful, well-maintained foot in a lovely sandal – it’s fantastic.
And it’s really funny to hear people talk about their feet. Most of my friends hate their toes, it’s so funny to hear them talk about it.
“No, but look, they’re all straight, except for this weird crooked one!!! What the hell?”
“My second toe (obviously no one knows the names for each toe) looks like it’s telling all the other toes to fuck off! Look!!”
“My feet are so flat, I could make pie dough (???) out of them.”
“My toes are so long, they look like hands, it’s so weird, look, I could almost flip someone off with this toe!”
We’re all the same. It’s funny, because once the years of stuffing our feet into Converse or putting our feet in the sand as teenagers have passed, we eventually have to face the facts and accept the harsh reality. It’s hot out, and we’re going to have to show our unsightly toes to the world.
But it’s the complex we drop the quickest, I think.
Apart from the lucky few with beautiful ones, most of us have something we don’t like about our feet, but we learn to live with them.
But in the meantime, me and my supersonic eyes have a hard time dealing with it.
We observe, body on defense. And we categorize all the feet we see.
Like, when we meet someone (ok, when we meet a guy) we immediately say: “Shoot, I hope his feet are ok”
Ok, so the reason I wanted to confess this to you is because yesterday, when I was walking down the street, I saw a very pretty girl wearing flip flops, and she inspired me to create a new category, the foot with the flying little toe.
It’s a foot whose little toe, by some miracle of the Holy Spirit, doesn’t touch the ground. I’ve seen several feet like that this summer. (I don’t know what to call it – lifted little toe?) The little toe tends to move independently from the others (I don’t know, maybe it’s looking for its four other friends, but it can’t find them?) and it makes a weird toe motion with each step. It’s funny. Well, it makes me laugh anyway.
But I have other categories too, kids.
There’s the long, skinny foot (like mine, which fill my shoes lengthwise, but aren’t wide enough – it’s not as cool as it might sound)
The wide foot (which fills shoes width-wise, but not lengthwise, which makes for a weird effect when wearing “peep toe” shoes).
And then there are all the varieties of toes – too big, too small, “fighting” toes which go every which way, rebel toes (with one toe way longer than the others) toes that curl in on themselves and toes that overlap, packed like sardines one on top of the other. There are micro toenails (my micro toenail is the one on my pinky toe) and maxi toenails (I’ve got this friend – we called his feet flat screens – they were like giant televisions).
And then there are a few things that make me jump out of my skin, like:
• Long toenails (bare or with nail art on them, or worse – the French pedicure) arrrrgh, feet should never have long nails, ew ew ew ew!!!
• Feet with untreated bunions, which doesn’t only happen to old people, by the way – I have several friends who have had them removed, and it works really well. You should definitely have the operation if you have them!
• Untreated foot fungus. Not only because it’s disgusting (you end up losing your nails! Helllp!!!) but also because it’s super contagious (anguish and damnation at the pool!) and getting rid of foot fungus, I can tell you, I’ve had it, and it’s not fun and not chic. The thing is, a lot of people don’t even know what it is and they don’t know they can get rid of it. So, dear friends, if your nails look yellow and thick, and the skin on your feet is strangely dry, go see someone right away.
Oh yeah, while we’re on the subject of health, I have a foot message to pass along. I had flat feet as a kid and had to wear boots with a special sole for a few years to correct it – everything is fine now. But I know how important it is to identify that early on in kids. Having flat feet can be a disaster for your body, because not having a plantar arch can affect your legs, it can be very painful later in life, and there can be a lot of complications. I have a friend who has flat feet and it’s impossible to correct as an adult…
A lot of people don’t know that! So I’m on a mission to get the word out, haha.
Anyway, my coming out for today was just to talk about the deep affection I have for feet – they’re so imperfect that we just have to accept them and live with them as they are. And we often learn to love them faster than other parts of our body.
What about you, how do you feel about your feet?
Translated by Andrea Perdue