tf3

10 years ago by

Even though I know that the fashion world is not a parallel universe, I have to say that sometimes, I definitely have my doubts.

We already talked about professional life and we even began to graze the surface of fashion week, but there still remains a subject which has truly developed its own charming language, and that subject is figure and beauty.

It often starts like this:

Oh wow, you’re absolutely glowing! Who is it? = How could this be?! Your dermatologist is better than mine?!

Oh wow, you look so… Healthy! = Is that a muffin top that’s about to pop out of your jeans?

Oh wow, you got a new haircut! It’s really quite… Editorial! = You serious? What the hell is that on top of your head?

You want my dermatologist’s/dietitian’s/hair-dresser’s contact? = You really gotta do something, my dear. Time to get some SERIOUS work done…

This sweater? Oh, I borrowed it from my daughter. = And that’s how skinny I am.

Oh, I didn’t recognize you! = You did something ?

She do something, you think? = Facelift?

Right now I’m on this fresh fruit juice cleanse and I’ve such incredible energy! = I’ve gotta drop five pounds before fashion week.

If I were an elegant lady in my early 80’s living, say, in Dallas, this would be the best blow-out ever = My name is Lauren Santo Domingo and I know exactly how to talk to my hairdresser. And I share it with my followers!

There is, of course, a special beauty vocabulary for the models you see filling the pages of magazines, and I mean c’mon now, who’s gonna believe these :

  • Yeah, I don’t know what happened, my breasts just popped up in only a few months, and at 25 years old. Poof! = Seriously?
  • I eat anything I want ! = Seriously ??
  • I’d rather go naked than wear fur. = Sériously ???

 

…  All the crazy stuff you hear at the beauty counters :

 

  • This cream is amazing. It has a base made entirely from oxygen! It costs $1,200 but, you know, oxygen is really rare!
  • Your skin is dry with a tendency toward oily. You’re going to need three different moisturizers, one for the cheeks, one for the forehead, and another for the chin. And don’t forget the eye cream. Should I wrap it up for you?
  • Dermatologists? Never listen to them. They have no clue what they’re talking about!

And of course, non-verbal language… always my favorite.

 

  • Black sunglasses = I just pulled an all-nighter. I have such a steamier life than you, you prude.
  • I’m not wearing any makeup = No need to be beautiful. In the fashion world, all you need is to be skinny, stylish. …And wear black sunglasses.
  • I’ve had the same haircut for 55 years now, and I don’t think I’ll be changing anytime soon. = I’m so important, I’m like my own brand. And I’m my own logo. No no no, shhhh. Relax. I’m not for sale : I work in fashion.

Aha! There you have it. You have anything else to add?

Translation : Tim Sullivan

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