Photo May 14, 7 28 55 AM

Être Nouvelle

1 month ago by

I’m calling on all my courage to share a few simple ideas with you that I have at the moment. Some details that have changed in my life. It’s different from my usual style, but it’s coming from my heart!

Happiness.

I was making my coffee this morning, when suddenly, I felt such immense joy, I started smiling from ear to ear. I was simply in paradise.

I almost felt guilty, there in my beautiful house full of light and calm. “It’s easy to be happy when you have all this” shouted a voice from deep in my mind.
But then another, calmer voice, came to me. “Not true” it said. “You could just as easily be complaining right now.”

“You are single, you live all alone, and the world seems to be falling apart – your inner happiness is your most fundamental right. It has little to do with your beautiful home, and a lot to do with the peace you’ve been cultivating. So allow yourself to feel it.”

Making my bed.

I never used to make my bed. I liked unmade beds. I liked leaving something undone behind me. I would get up, leave my room, and not come back to it until the evening. My bed was a constant explosion. My life too.

And then I started meditating.
And then I started doing little exercises in awareness.
Spending an hour, when I felt inspired, really being present for each one of my actions. Really looking at and touching the things and people around me. And feeling everything deeply.

One morning, I felt like making my bed. Respecting it. Yes. Just like you’d respect a person. You wouldn’t leave a person who had carried you all night without showing them a little respect.

So I started getting up a little more slowly in the morning, and making my bed. Not out of obligation, but out of respect, gratitude and love.

And that’s when I finally realized that respecting everything we touch is also a matter of respecting ourselves.

Men.

I’ve always been a seductress. Not in a dangerous way, but in a kind of inescapable way. Like when I open my arms to you, you feel so loved you can’t ever leave. One of my boyfriends told me one day, when I was leaving him (because I was always leaving people): “But how am I going to live without your eyes on me? Your gaze brightened my life.”

Seduction was a game, and love was easy.

Then, one day, I was seduced myself. A man came over to me and presented himself as everything I’d ever dreamed of. He hid his flaws, made my life new and exciting, said all the words I’d always wanted to hear. I fell madly in love.
And because we always eventually wake up from a dream, he started to reveal who he really was. A man. That’s all.

And maybe not the man for me, as it turns out.

I started to realize that seduction is artificial and often a lie – and that life was actually holding up a painful mirror for me.

I realized that in that dimension I was living in, where you don’t reveal who you really are, love is superficial. And if I kept living in that unbridled way, I would never truly be loved and I would never be able to truly love.

So I’ve started to show men who I really am. I’m not a seductress anymore. I’m a woman. That’s all.

Letting the inner critic speak.

Every morning, I drink a smoothie.

And every morning, I don’t know where it comes from, but I hear a mocking voice. A voice that tells me I’m being boring with all this healthy stuff. That I’m pretending to be someone I’m not. That I’m annoying with my meditation. That I’ve become too American. That inner voice rolls its eyes to the sky as I add two spoonfuls of vegetable protein and a dash of ashwagandha.

I drink my smoothie. It’s healthy. I love it. I feel good.

But even so, that voice continues to attack me. This is too good to be true, you know by 11am you’re going to gobble down chocolate. And it’s true, often by 11, I do head for the chocolate.

But every morning, I keep making my smoothie, enjoying it and letting that voice talk. I’ll keep letting it talk, hoping that one day it won’t have anything left to say to me anymore.

Letting the exterior critic speak.

I’ve always been criticized. First of all, I grew up in France, where criticism is our national sport. And in a family where we were quick to criticize. And then, through work and opening up to others, I was exposed to constant criticism.

I kind of have a hard time with criticism (I could write a paragraph about my ego, but I’m afraid it would get boring and you’d start criticizing me) (hahaha).

It got to the point where I had learned to second guess all of my actions.
And I avoided doing things out of fear of being judged.

I ended up closing myself up in a box where I was suffocating, all out of fear of being criticized.
Fashion, success, all that. While personally, I just wanted to talk about the soul and the beauty of a sunrise.

Today, I just take a deep breath and go for it. It’s still difficult, and I’m still criticized, but I don’t forget to nod to my bravery and continue on the path toward my truth.

All alone.

One day a week, I try to arrange things so I won’t see anyone and don’t make any plans. That’s one of the very good things about being single – having that freedom. Usually, I do this on Sundays.

I digest my emotions from the week, I observe them. I rest, body and soul, without guilt. It’s changed my life.

At first, solitude scared me. Then I learned to take control of it. I even learned to love it. And then I started to really need it.

I want to try not to use any screens that day. The least amount of things possible. I may even start trying to fast. I have a friend who does that once a week and she says it does her a lot of good. But I’m not sure yet. I’m trying to trust my instinct.

And for learning how to listen to that instinct, there’s nothing better than spending time alone.

Dancing.

I dance a lot, all the time. Alone, with my dog, in dance class, or with people. I tell a lot of jokes, I see lots of friends, I overflow with ideas, I love tequila, and all I want to do is laugh. There are a few things that haven’t changed.

Facing it all.

Hitting a wall in life means facing some ruins. Taking the time to rebuild means coming to terms with those ruins. You can’t just change where you live, change countries, change people, change families.

Facing it means taking a deep breath, revisiting the scene and going back where it happened, turning over every stone and deciding which things you want to keep when you rebuild your new emotional house.

For me, everything changed the day I promised to be honest with myself. So coming to terms also means facing the people who have a hard time seeing us change. Whether it’s a spiritual awakening, a divorce, a life change, or coming out – you have to face the disappointment and sadness of others, and deal with the grief of losing the person you once were.

And then you can put in place the stones you’ve chosen to keep, one by one, until you’ve rebuilt your home.
Until one day, you’re finally ready to open the door again.

Translated by Andrea Perdue

90 comments

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  • This writing came at exactly the right moment for me, as I face a tough day, brought on by transformation, that, as with all in life, just keeps happening. We can choose how to respond, if we’re lucky. Thanks for the inspiration, I always make my bed, now I see another way that it helps! Respect.

  • I’m glad you are finding your deeper peace, Garance. But I also think it’s ok to realize that maybe your beautiful house has something to do with that. Your HOME; that’s not trivial. I was on the road for work for 30 years, lived haphazardly in other people’s places, and did not have my own home until I was in my early 50s. It is profound, a version of Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own.

    Also, I love your one day of alone time. I wonder if you might like the book The Sabbath World by Judith Shulevitz. It’s an exploration of the idea of the day of rest. We all have our versions of this, if we are smart enough.

  • That last section is one of the most beautiful and true things I’ve ever read.

  • Parker May, 14 2019, 9:39 / Reply

    Thank you, Garance. <3

  • Anna Z. May, 14 2019, 9:44 / Reply

    Thanks Garance. As women, we’re always seeing ourselves through the eyes of others – loved ones, influencers, strangers. It’s only when we give ourselves permission to discover and accept who we are that we realize all that judging doesn’t mean anything in the greater scheme of things. Too bad we can’t figure this out as younger women and spare ourselves a lot of pain but maybe that’s the only way. I’m on a journey of re-invention at the moment AND turning 60 in a few months. It’s one day at a time and be kind to myself and the world around me.

  • bisbee May, 14 2019, 10:11 / Reply

    Interesting thoughts. I love being alone…it doesn’t happen often (my husband is also a homebody), but I cherish those times.

    And I’m glad you are making your bed. That is very important to me…I don’t like to leave my bedroom with an unmade bed…it feels too unfinished, messy and random. A tiny detail, but a neatly made bed sets up a purposeful day.

  • Ana Leonor May, 14 2019, 10:27 / Reply

    This is so beautiful.

  • Quel beau texte! Vous avez beaucoup de courage ainsi que le coeur sur la main. Beaucoup d’entre nous luttons quotidiennement pour vivre dans une façon authentique. Je vous conseille de lire la poésie de Edna Saint Vincent Millay et William Butler Yeats…

  • Cass Estes May, 14 2019, 11:12 / Reply

    It sounds like you are blooming, how lovely! I can’t wait to see more : )

  • Respect. Ton texte fait écho à un autre que j’ai lu où il est dit “…La reconnaissance est donc une condition essentielle du sentiment de dignité”, Hegel. Merci pour tes mots.

  • Ans Withagen May, 14 2019, 12:42 / Reply

    Merci

  • Sophaiii May, 14 2019, 12:44 / Reply

    Le smoothie c’est très bien et le chocolat (plus il est noir, moins il y a de sucre), c’est très bien aussi !!!

  • Florencia May, 14 2019, 12:52 / Reply

    Please do speak more of this in your podcast, we miss your voice, et maintenant ta nouvelle voix. Bisous.

  • Elizabeth May, 14 2019, 1:02 / Reply

    Thank you for these words, Garance! Have you ever read the poem “Diving Into the Wreck” by Adrienne Rich? In it, she writes about confronting one’s self and one’s life, and I think you might like it.
    https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/diving-wreck

  • Thank you as always for your authenticity and candor. Change, growth and transitions are HARD.

    This sentence in particular really resonated for me:
    “Whether it’s a spiritual awakening, a divorce, a life change, or coming out – you have to face the disappointment and sadness of others, and deal with the grief of losing the person you once were.”

    I am also in the midst of change and transition and have to be honest with myself about gradually letting go of who I have been and being open to who I will become. Thank you for the reminder of how essential self-compassion is during times like these.

  • This morning, after reading this post, I wrote six words that encapsulate all that I am struggling with: “Aging, health, resilience,” and then this: “claim your space.” Yes, that last one is so key to our ongoing, internal struggle as women. It is about respect, respecting and honoring yourself, whatever your situation, your looks, your job …. your age.

  • Merci Garance. J’ai beaucoup aimé ton paragraphe sur la danse et la tekila, moi aussi je suis comme ça, en soirée j’aime rire, me libérer et tu sais quoi ? Je ne l’assume pas. Le lendemain je ressens une honteuse terrible. Peur d’avoir dit des conneries, d’etre jugée, qu’on me trouve trop directe ou “débauchée” (ce qui en fait est loin d’être le cas)… Du coup ça me fait plaisir de savoir que toi aussi tu es comme ça, tout simplement naturelle et qui exprime sa joie de vivre, parce que finalement les gens comme ça je les trouve géniaux !!

    Grosses bises
    Marie

  • Estelle May, 14 2019, 3:12 / Reply

    Quel bonheur de vous lire! Merci de rester si proche de vos lectrices!

  • This comes at the right time for me as well. I am in a place of avoiding truths that will be disruptive, that will cause disappointment and sadness, and in a way I hadn’t realized, I got to this place by being a seductress, giving my partner the woman he wanted rather than the woman I am. Which is not his fault, but he will pay part of the price. I am learning about a deeper, harder, but ultimately gentler and wiser kind of honesty. This is beautiful, Garance – thank you…

  • Je me sens si sereine et tellement moins seule lorsque je te lis. Merci Garance.

  • This is beautiful. And inspiring.
    The thing is, one can best do without what one has. Have a partner, you can think of all the reasons you’d be happier alone (unless you are among the lucky few who found a good partner). Don’t have a partner, and all you can think of is how to get one because society demands it. It sounds like you have found how to put society on mute.
    I know many unhappy couples and very few happy ones.
    We’re taught to be paired up. It’s a hard cycle to break, even when it’s destructive. You are an inspiration.

  • Merci, Garance. I came at home feeling lonely & your words comforted & reminded me of the luxury I am surrounded by. Still feeling lonely, but also kind of free and in the process of change…

  • Merci pour ces articles toujours très juste sur la façon d’appréhender la vie, notre vie.
    Nous sommes les seuls à détenir la clé de notre bien être, à quand seront nous prêt à en prendre conscience ? La vie nous donne ce que l’on attend d’elle, et ça c’est une belle nouvelle !
    Merci ta vérité et incroyable sincérité.

  • This is truly lovely. Kind, nurturing of yourself and others. Thank you.

  • Thank you, Garance! Your heart is lovely because it is honest and full of self-discovery that you share and we can relate to. Here are some words of wisdom from our friend, Diane von Furstenberg:

    “Be the woman you want to be. Use your voice, strength, compassion and impact to make a better world.” + “Wink at your image, smile at your shadow and enjoy the ride.”

  • Maritoni May, 14 2019, 11:29 / Reply

    You write so well because you have always been honest. Thank you, Garance! Cheers for learning new tricks and for always trying to find and embracing YOUR truth.

  • Jessica May, 14 2019, 11:44 / Reply

    Oh how I love a day alone with no plans and no one else I need to see.
    It’s the biggest thing I miss about my single 30’s: waking up on a Sunday with no one to please – not even a coffee date! – but myself at each moment. I learned a lot about what truly makes me feel rested and refreshed. It wasn’t clothes or shopping or the internet or talking – it was riding a bike down a pretty street and people watching over my own coffee. It was reading a real book. It was observing and thinking and breathing the air.
    Finding time for that as a parent is… challenging. But I still try.

  • Camille May, 15 2019, 1:11 / Reply

    Beau et vrai. Merci Garance d’être vraie <3

  • Anne B May, 15 2019, 2:44 / Reply

    Merci, merci d’être si vraie et d’avoir le courage de partager vos sentiments et surtout toutes vos avancées, ou (r)évolutions.
    Merci Garance.

  • Jorge Alexandre Teixeira May, 15 2019, 4:19 / Reply

    Today my horoscope says that i will react bad to adversities or changing plans and that people will fuc* you over or blame on you for something they did .
    1.Im super streesed out;
    2. I busted my phone;
    3. In the subway , a man stepped on my all-white Vans leaving a huge mark on my left shoe!!! Not even a «sorry », nothing !!! Motherfuc***!!!
    And the day is just starting …
    Yet, reading this , G, gave me a Huge Boost to face the rest of the day , believe it !!! You are a Great Inspiration, Madame Doré and a Delightful Human Being and… That’s All!!!

    Tem um Excelente Dia !!!
    Beijinho!!!*_*

  • Stefani May, 15 2019, 4:43 / Reply

    This is beautiful. Thank you Garance x

  • J’aime cette “nouvelle” toi, remplie d’authenticité et de sincérité… bravo pour ton cheminement !

  • Zaza of Geneva May, 15 2019, 5:56 / Reply

    ““C’est facile, d’être heureux quand on a tout ça”, s’est écriée une voix dans le fond du fond de mon esprit.”

    J’aurais aussi répondu: “J’ai bossé dur pour avoir tout ça. Je ne me suis pas contentée de m’asseoir, tendre le bras et attendre que ça me tombe dans la main.”

  • Magnifique et inspirant. Tout simplement.

  • ALBANE May, 15 2019, 6:47 / Reply

    ok je pleure. je suis super touchée.

  • Des larmes, des larmes et encore des larmes sur mon visage…
    Garance, nos vies si éloignées l’une de l’autre et pourtant, vos mots me touchent et font résonance en moi.
    Vous êtes une Femme d’une grande beauté et d’une rare humanité… Merci.

  • This is great, thank you for being yourself

  • Grace Osei May, 15 2019, 9:26 / Reply

    Thank you. You are such an inspiration.

  • PAULINA May, 15 2019, 10:57 / Reply

    I absolutely loved this, on so many levels. I will digest little by little!

  • “J’ai toujours ete critiquee. J’ai grandi en France ou la critique est un sport national.”
    Cela resonne si fort en moi.
    Quel courage, chere Garance, de nous faire suivre votre cheminement vers la Lumiere.

  • Tout ça me parle à un point que vous n’imaginez pas.
    Samedi dernier, en plein ménage, couverte de sueur et de poussière, j’ai fait une pause et j’ai regardé mon jardin par la porte-fenêtre; je me suis dit: mais qu’est-ce que je suis heureuse!
    Merci pour votre blog et vos billets que j’adore toujours lire depuis des années.
    Un grand bonjour du Gard :-)

  • Marina May, 15 2019, 12:52 / Reply

    Un article super, merci Garance et je comprends très bien ce que tu veux dire, car est passée par là aussi et à la même période de la vie que toi: j’ai 5 ans de plus que toi et tout ce dont tu parles – j’y ai eu droit.
    Je voudrais juste te dire ceci: cette fille-là (la super-woman-séductrice-la plus forte-la vainqueuse-en armure dorée) – après que l’armure en question s’est écroulée et qu’on a retourné les pierres et qu’on a fait les tris et qu’on est (enfin! parce que mine de rien c’est long) prête à nouveau de vivre et de ressentir de la joie, donc cette fille-là, qui était nous dans le passé – on peut la remercier. Parce qu’elle était là. Parce que grâce a elle on a survécu, parce qu’elle était une fonction de notre vie qui nous était indispensable, car sans elle on aurait été démunie et vulnérable. Alors, merci à elle.
    Et je vais aller plus loin: maintenant que nous l’avons ramené à la lumière de notre conscience et que nous l’avons démasqué, nous pouvons garder son savoir-faire dans des tas de différents domaines de la vie (parce qu’elle en a, la coquine) dans notre armoire à outils. Et recourir à ses services quand nous en avons besoin. Parce qu’il y a une différence entre “croire que elle – c’est nous” (comme on le pensait “avant”) et savoir que “elle” – c’est maintenant juste un outil, comme un savoir-faire particulier que nous pouvons dégainer, en en ayant conscience et en sachant parfaitement pourquoi “elle” est là et ce que nous voulons faire avec.
    Sur ce, chère Garance, je t’embrasse de tout cœur et à très vite ici ou sur Instagram
    Marina))

  • cristina May, 15 2019, 2:13 / Reply

    Congratulation for being yourself by all means!!!! Kisses from Argntina

  • ces paroles sont bien theoriques.
    Ici le celibat, n est pas vécu comme un mode de vie mais comme une maison de remise en forme avant de vivre à nouveau à 2.
    je sens beaucoup de souffrance et une Solitude non épanouissante car … subie.

  • Barbalala May, 15 2019, 4:40 / Reply

    Chère amie , C’est avec « l’age » ou disons plutôt l’experience et la maturité que l’on apprend à -tomber les masques- et qu’on est plus dans l’instant, dans la contemplation, et que l’on se contente des petits bonheurs du quotidien. Ce n’est malheureusement pas à la portée de tout le monde. Beaucoup n’ont pas envie d’evoluer, ils resteront dans le superficiel , le paraître , la jalousie, les ambitions toujours plus grandes… Si tu en est là c’est que tu as fait un travail sur toi qui t’a permis d’etre plus douce avec toi même, de te respecter, d’etre plus authentique avec les autres et de ne plus être dans la séduction . J’espere simplement que tu n’as plus besoin de « béquille chimique » que tu as évoqué précédemment. La vie est belle, Ton corps c’est le véhicule habité par ton âme . Il faut en prendre soin et l’ecouter. T’a vie c’est ce que tu choisi d’en faire. Bravo pour ta sagesse d’esprit et ton humour. Cela nous intéresse, depuis des années. Ne change pas tu es formidable !!

  • Simply beautiful!

  • This is beautiful. perfectly sized, digestible truths. I feel every one of these things. Thank you for putting those feelings and thoughts into words <3

  • Naydeline May, 15 2019, 7:22 / Reply

    A magnificent, and thought-provoking piece as always! Thank you for sharing your story about personal growth with us G!

  • Britta May, 16 2019, 3:57 / Reply

    Dear Garance,
    I ladmire the way you are able to talk about your emotions. It is very helpful how you explain your emotional development. Thank you!
    Yours Britta

  • ça faisait bien longtemps Garance que je ne t’avais pas lue comme ça. L’impression de retrouver une vieille connaissance. Comme quoi… :)

  • Merci !

  • Dearest Garance, As you so often do, in this piece you’ve given my inner self, my deepest being, a voice. So powerful to showcase your vulnerability in this way. I’m so grateful you’ve given yourself the freedom to take this journey, including the anguish and sorrows. I hope you’ve discovered you are not alone. We are all on this journey with you–thank you for that reminder. And I do hope you have a new book in the works to share this emotional journey with many more…

  • ALBANE May, 16 2019, 11:39 / Reply

    « Pas besoin de se hâter. Pas besoin de briller. Pas besoin d’être qui que ce soit d’autre que soi-même. » Virginia Woolf, Une chambre à soi

  • Margaret May, 16 2019, 2:38 / Reply

    I’ve not been to the site in a while – work, life, shifting habits. I’m so glad that today I checked in and had the opportunity to read this. It is lovely and gracious.

  • Sophie May, 16 2019, 6:40 / Reply

    Well Ms. Doré, you have outdone yourself again. Even though I am a generation older than you, you…. you’ve hit a nerve. Even when your contagious Joie de Vivre has at time seemed to falter, you keep yourself moving and busy with the hustle of life. Congratulations on having such a grand epiphany(s) at your young age! (seriously, standing ovation, slow clap!) Your resilience and determination reminds me of a saying (old showgirl here) “chin-up, shoulders-back, stomach-in, tits-out.”
    Thanks for your incredibly generous spirit. Your essays have always seemed like letters from a great pen pal. (You should compile them into a book.)
    Best of health Kiddo,
    Soph

  • MARIA STELLA May, 17 2019, 3:04 / Reply

    C’est un très joli texte, le plus joli et profond que j’ai lu jusqu’à présent ici. Je pense qu’il doit résonner à bon nombre de personnes qui ont ou vont traverser une nuit noire de l’âme. Je suis en plein dedans. On a l’impression que l’on va mourir mais c’est l’inverse en fait on va vivre, car on est déjà mort en réalité. Pas notre corps physique mais à l’intérieur oui on est mort enseveli sous des couches de faux self et de traumatismes qui ne nous appartiennent pas toujours. Et c’est général. On vit tous plus ou moins en accord ou non dans un monde d’illusions. Le but ici bas est de se reconnecter à son vrai Soi pour pouvoir faire rayonner sa lumière singulière mais avant ça on doit se dépouiller de ce qui nous empêche d’éclore et cela passe par une traversée du désert bien souvent. Processus douloureux mais je pense que les âmes qui traversent ça sont des diamants.

  • Make your bed. Tidy your home. Buy flowers or pick them in the garden. Fill the house with music, scent and light. Take pleasure in simple things. Yesterday I spent one hour just gazing at how the changing sunset rays hit a shelf in my pantry which had rows and rows of old flower vases, making them shine and twinkle: bliss in simple beauty.
    Finding beauty in simple things, looking for the best in people, not the worst. Have a little temple in a hidden corner of your home and everyday light come incense and say a prayer of gratitude, connect with who you are, not what you are.
    Do a digital detox every sunday, read more books, don’t watch tv, avoid the news. Early morning go for a walk on the beach, a hike in the canyons. Horseback ride because horses understand and transmit vibes, find a farmer’s market, cook with friends in a noisy kitchen while you dance and guzzle good wine.
    Learn how to give yourself an ayurvedic massage on sundays, slowly rub your skin and scalp with oils. It is a slow process, be patient, find purpose in stillness.
    Have a weekly beauty routine; a Turkish bath, a sauna, a head massage, a foot rub.
    Connect with your body, feed your mind. Learn new things, take an online course, how to play an instrument or make things with your hands.
    Share your knowledge, pass on a legacy, dedicate a few hours of your week to charity, teach kids, visit old people. If you love animals do volunteer work in an animal shelter, in a community vegetable garden, help autistic kids learn how to ride, clean up litter on your beach, plant trees in your hill. Give back what is given to you. The world gave you gifts so thank the world by passing these one.

  • Barbara May, 27 2019, 9:47

    Beautiful, thoughtful and calming advice. In a distracted world it is so important to learn to calm yourself and choose the path of gratitude and good health

    Thanks!

  • Aissatou May, 17 2019, 12:44 / Reply

    C’est tellement beau. Avec quel plaisir j’observe, de loin, les changements que tu vis depuis un moment maintenant. Je suis contente pour toi et je suis inspiree par ton courage et ta tenacite a reconstruire ta maison, avec tellement d’attention et d’amour. Bisous.

  • Caroline May, 17 2019, 3:40 / Reply

    Merci Garance. Comme je me reconnais dans cet article… cette nouvelle toi ressemble à cette nouvelle moi que je deviens peu à peu depuis ma séparation : 24 ans avec le même homme et d’un coup être seule… C’est dur au début, compliqué aujourd’hui mais ce sera une nouvelle moi plus vraie, plus proche de mes aspirations demain. Enfin je l’espère. Cet article me touche et me donne envie de te rencontrer, toi que je suis sur ton blog depuis tes débuts, envie de te serrer doucement dans les bras et de te murmurer “tout ira bien. On est sur le bon chemin”. Je t’embrasse. Une fille du sud de la France exilée dans une autre ville depuis trop longtemps.

  • You never cease to amaze me, Garance. I have been thinking a lot about ego and would love to hear your thoughts (which could, frankly, never be boring).

  • hello Garance. merci d’être si honnête. je suis le même processus, non sans difficultés. ce qui me parle là tout de suite : “J’ai compris que la séduction était un artifice et, souvent, un mensonge – et que la vie était en train de me tendre, enfin, un douloureux miroir” <3
    NB : le dessin… c'est la chanteuse, n'est-ce pas ?

  • Such an honest and revealing (for myself), well-rounded piece. Finding the right and very clear words on so many aspects of life. Personally, the part on seduction was Super honest and great to read and relate to. I recently ended a story to someone who wanted to be seduced, not loved.

  • I like exact way you describe it. I like a lot specially the last part. And it`s not only people around that have to face our inner change. It`s as well us, who have to leave behind who we were. It`s like to close one chapter and become writing new pages, so far blank. For first shot it`s pretty scary. But then you find it`s a new hope, new chances, you can write what you want. And that starts to be strong relief, that you really can.

  • There is so much duality in what you talk about here–my therapist calls it a both/and. For all of us, we will probably never escape at least a little bit of fear when opening up and being vulnerable–at the least, it’s a protective mechanism to keep us from spilling too much–a pang which acts as a barometer to get us to at least pause, and go inside to make sure we’re also protecting ourselves from harm in the spilling. Your honesty IS BRAVE–I’ve seen some of the comments people make here, and they can be horrific–who could ever be immune to them?! The other thing that stood out to me is the possibility that you chose narcissistic men. When you said, “You’re gaze brightened my life…” it so much reminded me of the narcissist’s need to be reflected back as the light of your life. I am so familiar with that gift that I gave too, stealing away from my self, my being. You are on your way on this lifelong journey of learning and discovering the thrill that is you, that makes up your day, your existence.

  • I make my bed, but I actually read that we shouldn’t make it every day because that increases dust mites (yes, everyone has them). I read this on the internet, so it’s probably another reason for a digital detox….sometimes it’s better not to know.

  • Corticchiato May, 19 2019, 1:14 / Reply

    ??

  • Lauren May, 19 2019, 9:20 / Reply

    Thank you Garance. Thank you for letting us in on your changing internal and external landscapes. I admire your courage.

  • Acuarimantima May, 19 2019, 5:40 / Reply

    Thank you Garance for having the courage to share and open up in a post like this.

  • Therese May, 19 2019, 8:39 / Reply

    Exactly.
    Thank you.

  • Un lit défait “ça hurle”… Faire son lit a une vertu thérapeutique, c’est le top départ de la journée.

  • Amélie May, 20 2019, 8:24 / Reply

    Merci Garance, ce texte raisonne énormément en moi. Et oui changer de vie, évoluer, se sentir mieux, signifie souvent laisser des personnes sur la route mais quel bonheur d’être plus en adéquation avec soi même ! C’est ainsi que l on rencontre ensuite des personnes avec qui les relations sont beaucoup plus fluides ?????.

  • Ce texte est si touchant, si VRAI…

    moi qui te lis depuis (presque) tes débuts, c’est comme si je te connaissais et ce texte m’émeut.

    Merci d’être toi, avec nous, et de nous offrir tant d’amour

  • Your topic is very nice and helpful to us.Thank you for the information you wrote.

  • DELEONTE Chantal May, 22 2019, 1:10 / Reply

    Merci garance pour ce texte si profond, sans concession, si vrai. Un authentique chemin de vie.

  • Florence May, 22 2019, 2:57 / Reply

    En tout cas, puisse tu toujours passer ici pour écrire, car ça te fait du bien, à toi (je pense), mais aussi à nous (ça c’est sur!!). Merci pour tes écrits, que je lis depuis un moment déjà, et qui font à chaque fois écho en moi, et qui m’inspirent. Je n’ai pas envie de m’étaler plus, mais juste envie de te dire merci.

  • Thank you Garance, for your beautiful honesty & courage in showing and expressing your Truth – it is always inspiring. Thank you x

  • Maëliss May, 23 2019, 2:19 / Reply

    merci pour ce texte qui donne envie de tout couper pour s’installer sur la terrasse et écouter.

  • j’aime vraiment beaucoup ce billet. la fin m’a beaucoup touchée :
    “Alors faire face, c’est aussi faire face à ceux qui ont du mal à nous voir différente. Que ce soit un réveil spirituel, un divorce, un changement de vie, un come out – faire face à la déception, à la tristesse des autres, et faire face au deuil de celui ou celle que l’on était.”

    Je n’avais jamais vraiment pensé à cette idée de faire face à la déception des autres, ceux qui ont du mal à nous voir évoluer. C’est si juste. Faire face aussi à l’incompréhension des proches par rapport à ce qu’on traverse, leurs jugements, j’essaye souvent d’expliquer, de justifier ma peine, mes pensées, mes ressentis… comme pour être comprise et validée absolument dans ce que je vis, moins je me sens comprise, plus j’essaye de convaincre, mais ça ne change rien. Je ne me rendais pas compte qu’il s’agissait aussi ici d’une histoire de lâcher prise, d’acceptation, pas seulement accepter ce que je vis mais aussi les réactions autour, accepter pleinement ce qui est. Et pourtant, je crois que se trouve là, la réelle libération… et nos rapports avec les autres peuvent être que plus apaisé.

  • Margaux May, 23 2019, 2:29 / Reply

    Oh, mais merci pour ce texte ! Je l’ai trouvé magnifique (et reconnaissance très forte dans l’histoire du smoothie + chocolat à 11h ahahah !)

  • I love the way you can describe your feelings.
    I like this Garance that is more vulnerable and I share with Emily that the final
    section of this note is simply GREAT!!

  • Être reconnaissante. Dire merci. À soi-même aussi. C’est une des clés du bonheur. Et ta maison, elle s’ouvre avec cette clé-là.

  • Rouffignac May, 28 2019, 8:52 / Reply

    Je vous suis depuis pas loins de 10 ans, je crois que c’est la première fois que je pose un commentaire. Juste pour vous dire que je suis admirative de votre exceptionnel parcours depuis tout ce temps. Que je prends toujours autant de plaisir à vous lire et que ce poste est juste merveilleux, il m’a fait ressentir une très forte émotion, c’est poétique je trouve ce que vous écrivez dans ce poste…

  • Those words resonate with me so much as I went through the same journey of going deepest possible through the pain to only find myself – and realizing that this is just a start of a journey, but of a really beautiful one… Dear Garance, with sharing your story, you are such an inspiration to me and many other women (and men:)

  • Thank you for sharing Garance. Beautiful, inspiring words. As always.

  • Just duscovered this today. This text speaks so much to me. Also the part about the seductress. I was like that as well. Most of the time I played a role, pleasing men by doing so.
    I almost never showed my inner self who was always far from being that “kitten” that I pretended to be. All was so WRONG.
    What I gained in the end is that I am single at 59, never married and never fulfilled the expectations of my family in regard to that (“what is wrong with her? she is pretty….). I live on my own, I like my flat, I make my bed, I cherish a day on my own every week and I try to eat healthy. If somebody likes me today – fine. I have stopped acting. I am just a woman of almost 59. It is my birthday next Saturday. Sometimes I am afraid of the future. Sometimes I know that I am strong and that I will survive. Always. And I will always love to read your texts about your journey…..

  • Patrizia June, 8 2019, 2:56 / Reply

    I want to simply say thank you for your words. My parents are immigrants from Italy and being first generation I can relate to the contrast of your experiencing being French in America. When you open up to things, you bring to question and something don’t like to be questioned. You are inquiring and that is courageous…you might not have the answer but it’s an adventure (joy and sorrow).

  • Isabelle June, 12 2019, 9:43 / Reply

    What honesty, eloquence and wisdom! Congratulations Garance – don’t let up. Keep up the good work and this wonderful site… and your beautiful illustrations. You are a breath of fresh air in a sometimes cynical world. A woman who inspires others to trust their own instinct.

    Quelle honnêteté, quelle éloquence et quelle sagesse! Bravo Garance – ne lâchez pas. Continuez votre excellent travail et ce site merveilleux… et vos belles illustrations. Vous êtes vraie – un vent de fraicheur dans un monde parfois cynique. Une femme qui en inspire d’autres à faire confiance à notre instinct.

  • Claire June, 15 2019, 8:57 / Reply

    Je suis votre blog en pointillé depuis des années. Et puis il y a un an ou deux j’ai arrêté parce que je trouvais que la façade glam’ avait pris le pas sur tout le reste.
    Vous êtes touchante, honnête et courageuse, et il n’y a rien là à critiquer (vive la France ;)). Ce genre de billet est mille fois plus précieux que n’importe quel article mode ou beauté.
    Continuez, et merci!

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