Where did my summer go? No idea. I’m writing to you from my studio in LA, and this is my first time starting a new work year as a resident of the West Coast, and all I know is, a lot of things have changed.
And since I haven’t written here in ages (I hope you’ll forgive me – explanation below) I figured a little summer recap would be a good idea.
So, in no particular order, here we go.
1. My Lenny Letter…
I don’t know if you saw, but this summer, I wrote a Lenny Letter telling my story about my fertility problems. I hadn’t ever talked about it publicly before.
It was much too painful for me to discuss here in a self-deprecating, humorous way. For me, last year felt broken. There were lots of tears, and I didn’t know how to share what I was going through. Once I started to feel better again and ready to talk, I needed a filter for my writing, because my emotions were really going all over the place.
That’s why I chose Lenny.
The response was incredible. I received thousands of messages. People asked me to write books. The article is going to be republished in several languages. Even though I know most of my friends go through very painful moments as mothers – or not being mothers – I hadn’t realized how important it was to open up on the subject and how many women suffer, often in silence, not even opening up to their closest friends about it.
I received letters that are so important to share, I’m going to publish a few of them here (in some cases, they’ll be anonymous). If you have a story to share, don’t hesitate to reach out.
2. And me.
And now I’m doing a lot better. When you go through difficult times, especially as a couple, that’s when you finally realize how magical life is.
You learn to live in the present moment, to not be so attached to results, and you figure out what you really want, what your deepest desires are.
When Chris and I decided to stop fertility treatments, we made a real choice. We reimagined a happy life without children, and that started to open up a whole new range of possibilities, a different life, just as rich, just as colorful.
We’re more light-hearted, more united, and happier than ever. I’ll tell you more about that soon, obviously, because this story changed me deeply. But most of all, I just wanted to tell you I’m okay, and feeling better than I have in years!
3. My summer.
This was my first summer in LA, in my new house, where we’re still pretty much in camping mode, actually, having visitors all the time, and living a completely, absolutely different life, and it feels good. My sister, her husband and kids came to visit for almost the whole month of July, then I went to New York to work for a week, then Delphine came to visit for a few days, and then Chris and I left for Hawaii.
As you can imagine, when I arrived in Hawaii, I basically crashed from exhaustion. I went over to my friend Jennifer’s house, I gave her a hug and immediately said: “Do you mind if I go take a nap?” After sleeping the whole rest of the day and night, I finally started getting my energy back.
Time with friends, swimming in the ocean, spending quality time with my guy who hardly saw me all summer (well, after the traditional vacation argument, unfortunately. When Chris and I go on vacation, the first few days are super tense, then we argue, then it’s all love. Ridiculous, but that’s just how it is.) – Hawaii has an amazing spiritual side to it, sort of like a washing machine for your feelings and emotions.
If you resist the emotional waves that come at you when you arrive on the island, the vibe can be a little aggressive. But if you let yourself be carried away by the movement, and let yourself fully experience the strong emotions the island inspires, you come out emotionally clean, feeling like a shiny new penny.
Yes, I know, it sounds crazy when I put it that way, but Hawaii is apparently an energy vortex and let me remind you I’m living in LA now and there’s no sarcasm left standing between me and my taste for new age theories.
Jen and I took advantage of the eclipse to say goodbye to things that were no longer serving us, and to set intentions for the coming year. I came home feeling recharged, positive, full of ideas, profoundly motivated and happy.
3. Why haven’t I written on Atelier Doré for so long?
Quite simply because I needed a break. It might sound weird to you, but it was really difficult for me to spend this year not sharing with you. It was basically impossible, too painful, especially when I got comments like…
“Now all you need to be happy is a baby!!!”
I was like, arrrrgh, if only I could explain why everything about that sentence is wrong – even though I know it came from the heart and with good intentions!
It was hard because I’m a very honest person, deep down. I’m a Taurus, like Jon Snow, basically. Honest to the point of being stupid about it. I wasn’t really armed to talk about my misfortune, and I wasn’t detached enough to pretend everything was fine.
My sense of humor took a turn for the worse. I also realized (and I know this is a lot at once, but I should definitely get it out) during my last two years in New York, I probably had depression.
I alluded to it every once in a while, but now that I have a little bit of distance, I realize my life was really not even close to fitting my ideals back then. I wrote an article for InStyle magazine, actually, about the difficult choice I made to stop going to fashion shows. I’ll tell you more about that soon.
So when that gap between my real life and my “public” life happens, it’s kind of suffocating. The energy it takes to maintain that distance eats up all my creativity.
But I have an incredible team who totally supports me. So in moments like that, I’ve decided not to force it, and I just wait for my energy to come back. And now I have billions of ideas and thousands of topics, so just tell me to shut up when you get tired of it, okay?
4. The weather has changed, the flowers have faded, that was then, this is now…
So this summer I’m turning the page.
A lot of things have changed around me, and most of all within me. I decided not to be shy anymore, and I’ll share my new interests with you through my writing, either here or in the newsletter. And on my podcast too. These new interests are both as profound and as light-hearted as my previous ones, they’re just different.
They are still and will always be at the heart of Atelier Doré, which is the company I created and love deeply. We will keep talking about style and women and our dreams and battles, and how we overcome challenges with passion and humor. And we will keep bringing you our ideas and thoughts, and more than ever, we want to get closer to you and keep the conversation going.
We’re going to be organizing more and more meet-ups, we just moved into a new, bigger studio, and that will make it possible for us to have you over. Our trips will also be an opportunity to meet you. Same with our retreats (Our retreat in Morocco sold out in two days, and our guests are all super fascinating!) so don’t hesitate to send us ideas, express yourself, and get involved.
So there you go, that’s a very short summary of my summer. I mentioned so many things, so don’t hesitate to tell me if there are certain things you’d like to hear more about. There are several topics here I’d like to expand on.
In the meantime, I’m super happy and thrilled to be writing to you again! Big kisses!
Translated by Andrea Perdue