Ok, kids, I know you’re going to hate me for saying this, but we have to face reality: August 15th has passed, so what was always going to happen is now upon us: Summer 2015 is reaching its end, and it’s never coming back. Argh. Help!
In an attempt to stop thinking about it, I decided to do a little recap of my summer for you – the highs, the lows, the diagonals, and the perpendiculars (???)
And all of that in no particular order, obviously.
Award for the most depressing hotel room of the summer –
(I mean, of the year)(No, of the decade) was my room at the W in Chicago. Ok, I don’t like to be critical (ok, I love being critical) but you know the type of weird hotel that’s trying to be cool by putting bluish lights everywhere, and grandiose decorations like a giant bedside lamp (5 times bigger than me – seriously) in the lobby, and where the rooms smell musty and you can’t open the windows? Oh, and where the only electrical outlet is in the bathroom (seriously, I’m not kidding)?
Yep. There you go. Nothing to add.
Weirdest beach moment of the summer –
The day we decided to take advantage of all New York has to offer and went to the beach (30 minutes away by car! So cool!) with a group of super motivated friends (THIS SATURDAY WE’RE DOING SOMETHING OTHER THAN GOING TO BRUNCH!) and we brought so much food and alcohol that we ended up being drunk on the beach at 4:00 in the afternoon.
Trying to swim in waves that were both violent, unsurfable, and slightly greenish and filled with unidentified objects (I’m not criticizing, but I’d just gotten back from Lake Powell and its perfectly clear water, so…)
And we ended up being towel to towel with (super nice) tattooed hipsters, who were also drunk and playing paddle ball ON us.
Do I want to go back? Uhhhh… I think we’re going to try out all the other things New York has to offer in the summer first.
Most romantic moment of the summer –
Diving naked with Chris into the clear waters of l’îlot, my secret spot in my village, Girolata, in Corsica. Ok, everyone in Girolata knows about my secret spot, and Serge, the fisherman, cast his nets about 4 meters from us, but it was still really romantic.
The most unforgettable moment of the summer –
Spending a week alone with all the men in my life in Corsica: my father, my brother, and my guy, cooking, taking the boat out, and laughing. For a daddy’s girl, there’s nothing better than that.
The least Because I’m Worth It moment of the summer –
My eyes are extremely, extremely sensitive to sunscreen.
It drips into my eyes, makes me cry, makes my nose run, and after a few hours, my eyes swell up and suddenly I look like Donald Trump (What a nightmare! Especially since Chris is such a democrat!)
So one night when we were on the boat in Lake Powell, I had the misfortune of going to bed without taking my sunscreen off.
(I know, by saying that, I’m going to be kicked out of the order of bloggers, but I have to admit, sometimes (a lot of the time) (all the time) I fall into bed with all my clothes and make up on. Even though I have amazing Equipment pajamas!!! But hey, when you fall into bed, you fall into bed, right?)
Anyway, I wake up at dawn, still sleepy, and head toward the kitchen to make some coffee, except that…I can’t even open my eyes. I panic a little and try really hard to see. I can only see a little bit, but I manage to feel my way to the bathroom.
And when I get there, HOLY SHIT!!! My eyes are, my eyes are, my eyes are… I can’t even describe it – they’re so swollen, the bags under my eyes are like Rimowa suitcases (enormous and compact). I put water on them, I scrub off all my makeup, I put a huge pair of sunglasses on, and a hat, AND I go sit in a dark corner of the boat and try to make myself invisible.
Fortunately, three hours later, I can finally come out from hiding. I look like Donald Trump again, but considering what I looked like before (Jabba the Hut from Star Wars), I tell myself it’s perfectly acceptable as long as I wear a hat and sunglasses.
Nothing and no one can stop me from enjoying my vacation!
I hurry to tell Jenna about my problem, and she lets me in on her secret: Zinca sunscreen, which is so crazy thick it doesn’t run. Finally, a solution. She tells me it turns your face a little white, but hey, who cares.
I take my ego in my own two hands, and shove it under three layers of Zinca, and off I go for another spin on the jet ski. Finally, vacation, damn it!
So, in summary: Swollen eyes, white mask on my face AND, icing on the cake – a beautiful fluorescent life jacket. Chris didn’t even raise an eyebrow, which is a sign of a man who loves women who love men (don’t you remember that ad? No? Pffff, young people!)
Oh, P.S. After three days of jet ghosting with Jenna (she and I on the jet ski scaring people with our white faces from morning until night) she finally ended up finding skin-colored Zinca. We totally mastered jet skiing glamour. On the last day…
Most hysterical moment of the summer –
Karaoke in Japan with Delphine, of course. Japanese people are nuts, I love them.
Delphine and I killed it on “Just Give Me a Reason” by Pink.
P.S. Do you love Pink too, or am I losing the little musical credibility I had left?
Why I love Pink –
Ok, first of all, her songs are great for singing at the top of your lungs and there’s nothing I like more in the world than singing at the top of my lungs. And besides that, she isn’t annoying us all, she’s not trying to be omnipresent (I’m so tired of omnipresent celebrities. Like, I have nothing against Taylor Swift, I think she’s actually pretty cool, but she’s everywhere, friends with everyone, everyone’s girlfriend, and on all the magazine covers. It’s either her or Kim Kardashian, hellllppp a little variety, please, ugh!) (Ok, I’m getting carried away)
Pink doesn’t even have Instagram! I don’t know, I think she’s cool. At the same time, I don’t really know anything about her life.
BUT THAT’S PROBABLY WHY I THINK SHE’S COOL.
I’m tired of knowing everything about the lives of people I don’t really care about.
Ok that had nothing to do with my summer recap, but actually it did a little, I guess, because I decided I liked Pink this summer.
The most “Ok, time to stop messing around” moment of the summer –
The moment I downloaded My Fitness Pal after hearing a podcast where someone said it was great and I started counting calories and figured out why I wasn’t losing those last few pounds. Ugh, do you know how many calories there are in a spoonful of peanut butter? I’m not even going to tell you.
The most “YES, life is so cool” moment of the summer –
This week! My team and I got a house together, so — Hello, from Accord, Upstate New York! We’re going to make margaritas every night (380 calories) and Birthday S’mores (416 calories for one + instant diabetes) to celebrate Emily’s 26th birthday, and then jump into the pool (-60 calories, YES, a quarter of a S’mores, woohoo!!!) and rethink everything about the blog, our lives
and what’s on our plates. Hahahha.
The most “This is the real life” moment of the summer –
Hawaii! It was so great, the kind of trip where at the end of three days, you start looking at places to rent and you say to yourself: “I’m actually not sure what’s keeping us in New York after all.” Oh, except for our passions, our jobs, our friends, our projects, I mean… Pretty much nothing, right, babe?
The most long-winded moment of the summer –
Uh, well… This post!!! I still have lots of not-so-important things to tell you, so if you want, how about I continue the summer recap next week? That way we can prolong the summer a little more. What do you say?
Translated by Andrea Perdue