Noooooooooo, don’t start looking for me, I’m not on Tinder.
But I have lots of friends who are and, in life, you should never say never, even though, in my opinion, Tinder seems like the MDAITW (Most Depressing App in the World)(Ok, after irs.gov).
For those of you who live under a rock, Tinder is an online dating app and everyone is on it.
Why depressing? I don’t know, I guess it’s the fast hook up thing that freaks me out a little.
But apparently, it’s not depressing for everybody.
I have a friend who is recently separated (no, no I’m not doing the “so I have this friend…” thing who is actually me) and she’s having THE BEST TIME (all caps AND bold) on Tinder. She’s meeting tons of guys, making friends, having torrid one-night stands, and apparently that makes up for the occasional disappointing date.
Friday night, she had me swipe for her (basically, on Tinder, you see photos of people who are within a reasonable geographic distance from you, and you say yes or no with one swipe.)(And if you say yes, and they say yes, you can start chatting with them)(And that can be great, or it can end up with conversations like this).
That night, Tinder was seriously depressing.
The only criteria you can select is age and geographic distance, so, as you can imagine, the net’s cast pretty wide. Anything and everything comes your way.
It’s like being at Grand Central at rush hour.
Except that there are only guys in the station, and each time you see one, you have to say yes or no.
Just like in a train station, most of the guys aren’t much to look at, and on Tinder, some of their photos are just ridiculous (come on, guys, we don’t want to see your naked torso photos. We don’t want to see that you’ve obviously cropped your girlfriend out of it (we can see her hand on your shoulder, dude!!!). It’s ridiculous. Photos in hot tubs are ridiculous. Dick picks aren’t even ridiculous, they just make you want to throw your phone out the window or put it in the washing machine. I could go on for hours but, basically, the first person to open a business for helping people shoot their Tinder photos is going to make a fortune.)
You end up swiping automatically — nope, nope, nope, eeeew, nope, when suddenly a gorgeous guy appears and you swipe NO too fast AND IT’S A DISASTER. You’ve lost the hot guy forever. You can’t go back.
That’s what I did to my friend on Friday without realizing — I swiped NO on a guy who’s not only hot but also a famous actor (well, moderately famous — it wasn’t Leonardo DiCaprio or anything, even though apparently lots of famous actors are on Tinder) — like a dummy, and I was about to fall into an ocean of guilt for maybe making her lose the man of her life (ok, her night) when I noticed she couldn’t care less.
There’s always a hot guy a few (ok, 987647656) swipes later.
It’s the man / woman fish market, except less slimy. Or not.
[By the way, we’re talking about New York City on a Friday night, but I wonder what Tinder is like in small towns, like Ajaccio where I was born — you swipe and the guy happens to work at the grocery store on the corner, or he’s your exercise instructor, or an ex you would have liked to never see again, or your own brother?! I’m sure it’s happened before! Your brother!!! Eeew!!!]
This quick visit to Tinder confirmed my doubts about it — it really is the MDAITW, but a few hours later, when I was already in bed, my friend texts me three photos of super handsome guys (One was half naked, though, I was like nonono I know it’s late but no), asks me which one I prefer, and I hurry up to respond, because living Tinder vicariously through other people is actually pretty fun.
And she texts me back the next morning, saying she had the best sex night ever.
Anyway, for full disclosure I have to tell you. One of the girls at the Studio is about TO GET MARRIED to a guy she met on Tinder!
And another friend of mine who was on Tinder for a few months told me that no matter what anybody says (“Tinder is just for having fun!!”), every time you swipe, you hope that the next swipe is going to be the love of your life.
So!!! You see? Love is everywhere, you guys.
What about you? Are you on Tinder? Do you have any stories to tell me? Have you heard about the new app that’s supposed to replace Tinder, Happn? I want to live vicariously through you guys, come ooh!!! ;)
Translated by Andrea Perdue.