I never know what to wear out at night.
It always annoys me and I end up wasting way too much time. I lose confidence in myself and in my taste, I spend forever in front of the mirror, I take dumb selfies and send them to my friends, and since they can’t see anything anyway because I’m terrible at selfies, it’s even worse, so they stress me out by saying things like:
“Need another photo, I can’t even tell what you’re wearing”
“What’s that thing in front of your dress?” (my phone, obviously)
“What color is that? Cat pee yellow?” (bad lighting)
“How can someone who’s a photographer be so bad at selfies?” (shut up right now)
Yep, because obviously I always wait until the last minute.
So I stress everyone out.
Because I hate evening wear.
Usually when I want to dress up to go out at night, I always start out thinking I’ll wear a dress.
Yes. I have this idea in my head, like most girls, that “night” means “dress”.
Don’t try to figure it out, that’s just the way it is.
So then I start the useless and frantic search for the “perfect last minute dress” which:
1/ Doesn’t exist
2/ Is very, very expensive
3/ Can’t be found at the last minute. To be perfect, a dress always has to be altered, otherwise you’re a model, in which case, what are you doing reading this post?
By then, not only am I irritated, I’m also exhausted AND frustrated.
For a while, I had resolved my problem with a few really cool tuxes, but one mustn’t go overboard with the joys of wearing a suit, especially when you have short hair.
If you do, you’ll quickly turn into Ellen De Generes, and even though I ADORE Ellen, I really don’t want to have her look.
You know, because at night, I want to be super feminine, a bit femme fatale.
But the problem is – no dresses look good on me.
No dresses look good on anyone, actually, if you really want to know how I feel about it.
That’s always what I’m thinking to myself when I watch the awards.
I like them well enough, I play the game, I choose my favorites, I feel like I’m taking a trip to planet tralala – it’s fun for about two seconds.
But most of the time in those ceremonies, it’s like “cool” has left the building and been replaced by slightly awkward women forced into an obsolete definition of sexiness (with their breasts imprisoned in push up bras, their waists strangled) that doesn’t look anything at all like the free woman in motion that I love and want to be.
Oh hey, by the way. Since we were talking about Céline on Friday, and how Phoebe Philo redefined the way we dress and the kind of women we have the right to be (cool, sensual, comfortable) – just looking at her collections makes you realize.
Not a single evening gown.
The closest thing is a romper. Hands in pockets, high heels – her rompers totally borrow from the “woman in a tux” attitude.
So it’s back to the same idea.
There are exceptions, of course. Valentino dresses that make you want to cry they’re so beautiful. Dior by Raf Simmons. Cate Blanchett in Riccardo Tisci for Givenchy. But girls who have Cate Blanchett’s allure are very rare.
So when it comes to evening wear, there aren’t many places left for me to look for ideas.
I look at what Jenna Lyons does, what Emmanuelle Alt does, and what Phoebe Philo does, on the rare occasion she goes out.
So that’s the thing. It was when I went to a black tie event that I realized what my real problem was. I don’t like evening gowns.
I ended up in pants and a bustier, but honestly, I really would have liked to have something new and beautiful to wear. A new attitude, a new femininity – something truly modern.
But I think it’s clear now: for the time being, that doesn’t exist. Or it’s very, very rare.
I really think it’s time to redefine evening wear for women, don’t you think?
Translated by Andrea Perdue