So… Traveling is good, and to be stylish while doing it, even better, but what’s left of my style after two long weeks of hotel rooms ? …It’s simple, it’s a total mess.
This time I had:
+ The idea of the century: instead of picking out all my outfits before hand for the two weeks to come and get that little surcharge on all my bags, here’s the idea: I’ll use the hotel laundry service!
Whoa! Recycling outfits. I’m. A. Genius.
No sooner said than done. I sent a little package of dirty laundry down and then that night, on my bed I find all my clothes, good as new, folded and starched à l’italienne. The idea of the century, I’m telling you! Wahooooo partaAAaay! It’s almost enough to get out a mini bottle of Jack Daniel’s. Pure joy coming through, I roll around in my new clothes.
And then I feel something get stuck on my cheek. I take a look at it and yeah, now I REALLY NEED that mini bottle of Jack Daniel’s. “Whaaaaatttt??? 87€ for a handful of T-shirts?” Shit. I’m going to need to Macgyver-ize my own little laundry service. Yep, that’s what I’ll do.
+ The idea of the century (II) : So I put together my little personal laundry service and wash my underwear listening to Boom Boom Boom by Black Eyes Peas in the background. Once they’re clean, I hang them up on the shower rod and since I never do anything half-assed, I get out my hair-dryer and put it up to the highest setting aimed right at my panties. In five minutes, home-made laundry service à l’italienne thanks be to Fergie Garance. I close the door to the bathroom because the hair-dryer is a noisy little booger, and I dance to My Humps. I dance dance dance and then… Boom Boom Boom… I smell something burning. I sprint into the bathroom where I find my panties completely dry, awesome. Except for one = MELTED. That’ll teach me to get my panties at H&M.
+ The Idea of the century (III) : Instead of packing my entire wardrobe like usual, summer clothes for Rio and snow pants in case we get the idea for a little ski trip to Courchevel in between Milan and Paris*, I’ll just have to, me, Gaga, princess of menswear, lover of all my man’s button-downs, pants and coats, go sneaking around in his bag for outfits!!! Genius! Wahooo!!!! Share a suitcase = idea of the century.
No sooner said than done. I give total credit to my personal mantra: A pair of heels saves all.** And so one day, with absolutely no inspiration from my clothes, I got out some pants, a button-down, and a jacket out of his bag and put all of it on (+me = quite a lot.) top of 6 inches of heels in hopes of getting something new across. “Yves Saint Laurent created Le Smoking tuxedo jacket revolutionizing style and Garance reinterpreted it in the year 2010 in the bathrooms of Milan in a creative storm Janie Samet later made into a best seller a called, Garance and Style: The Story of a Genius Losseuse.”
Perched on the toilet seat to see my reflection (beautiful room, but a few vital pieces missing, my friends: a full length mirror, power outlets, and M&Ms in the mini-bar), and I smile big, and that’s when the man from whom I stole my lovely outfit walked right in.
“What are you doing standing on the toilet? Come on… And what’s with this outfit? You look like the old Italian guy I just shot, but in heels. Are you ok? Do we need to talk?”
So he cracked up laughing, but still… I flash a knowing look to the spirit if Yves Saint Laurent (“It’s good my friend, you can sleep in peace, it won’t be tomorrow that we’ll reinvent Le Smoking tuxedo jacket.”) and I change.
Voilà. I’ll stop now because I don’t have much battery left on my computer and THERE ARE NO POWER OUTLETS IN THE TRAIN FROM PARIS TO MILAN and also because THIS TEXT IS TERRIFYING LONG, IT’S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO BUT READ BLOGS, but if you want, I can tell you about the more beautiful side of that downfall. It’s worth a few knots in my hair.
* Hey, we all can dream.
** You gotta read chapter 1 = A tube of lipstick saves all, and stop right now believing everything I say!
*** Yep, as I’m writing you from my train, I’m in between Milan and Paris, and you know what my biggest fear is each time I get home? Standing on my scale!!! I’m living in a weight limbo, this is one of the nightmares from my traveling lifestyle. Whoever first invents a portable scale, I will love you forever.
Translation : Tim Sullivan