It turns out it can sometimes be a bit stressful to be engaged.
There are lots of things that go on inside of you — all the changes that are sometimes amazing and sometimes…just changes.
And then there’s the weird pressure of being congratulated with all the questions attached, like show me the riiiiiing! When’s the weddddiing? Where’s it going to beeee? And what about your dress, Garance, the dreeessss!
Sure, it’s nice, really. I mean it’s very sweet to get all that attention, except when you don’t have any of the answers. Or when you’re just not having a good day. Happens.
I remember one day I was in a really dark mood (and when it does happen, I try to stay out of everyone’s way), when an acquaintance jumped on me to congratulate me on my engagement and ask the questions. When I answered “thank you”, with a smile, but without pulling out my orgasmic expression #43 with rolled up eyes and hands raised to heaven, and there was no oh my gaaaaaaad of joy – I heard her say “Whoa, you don’t seem super happy to be getting married, are you sure you’re… Hey girls, did you hear that? I just congratulated Garance and she doesn’t even sound happy!!!”
I swear this is true. I had to justify myself for ten minutes saying I was in heaven with ecstatic joy but I was just having a bad day, etc., etc., etc.
Imagine the reactions when I said I didn’t have a date yet, or a place, or a dress, or even an idea for a dress. Looks of confusion. And pity. And so many “good for you” s!!!
Fortunately the congratulations and questions are starting to calming down a bit at some point, so I don’t have to be ready to pull out my ecstatic hysteria face at any moment. Which is great because Chris and I are playing it pretty cool. We’re taking our time trying to figure out our wedding style. It’s kind of funny because I haven’t been to very many weddings in my life…and Chris, with his job, has been to over a thousand weddings, from the most chic and grandiose with presidents in attendance to the simplest and coziest. So he’s got tons of things to say about weddings.
There are a few things we’ve already crossed off the list: We don’t want a big, stressful wedding (easy to say, but not easy to do – apparently no one ever wants a big, stressful wedding, but you start small and a strange snowball effect takes place a few months before the wedding), complicated guest lists (no idea how to avoid that, actually, I have friends who came up with drastic rules like “if you haven’t texted them in six months, they’re out!” but I could never do that, I think) convoluted dinners with 600 servers (we prefer “family style”), 8 million dollar weddings (we prefer to put our imaginary 8 million dollars into an imaginary house by the sea), and sponsored “press” weddings.
It might sound nice to say we’d get a professional photographer, a nice magazine spread and free flowers (you know how much wedding flower arrangements cost? You don’t want to think about money at all at a time like this, but if you’re not careful, it can end up being the only thing you think about) but I don’t think I could be myself in that kind of situation. So all that’s a no.
We both agree it should be something simple and family oriented. We’re both super into family. Since I’m an expat and rarely get to see my family, I just want to be able to have them all in one place at the same time – and mixed with Chris’s family that I adore. That’s my dream, and when I think about it, I look like the emoji with hearts in its eyes.
I also have the dream of walking arm-in-arm with my dad up to the altar, and seeing my little nephews all dressed up and running around. Oh yeah, and I’d like us to sing around a fire at some point.
I’d also really like to have a big, relaxed brunch the next morning – that’s always my favorite part of weddings. I think that’s all it would take to fulfill my wedding dreams.
Oh yeah, I also have a little mental logistical concern – I’m worried that if all my family and Chris’ family are there, I’ll be overflowing with so much happiness that I’ll have a breakdown if my friends are there too. Like, I might faint from too much happiness. That’s really my only fear. Oh and I’m also afraid it might rain.
My weather paranoia is so extreme; I’d almost rather get married in the winter just so we know we can’t count on the weather.
Chris is more or less on the same page. For him, his dreams include barbecue (he’s from the South, the barbecue center of the world, so obviously!), fireworks (same thing, in South Carolina, having fireworks in the back yard is a local tradition) (yes, I know, it kind of sounds like Corsica, the fascination with explosions), and family.
So, relaxed with lots of family, basically.
But that leaves out our OTHER SIDE.
The side of us that loves to party. Big, crazy, all night long parties. I love parties and Chris loves them even more since he’s worked in hospitality all his life and he’s the king of throwing parties, serving perfect cocktails, great music, ambiance, everything. He can spend ten days planning a party, and our parties usually live up to expectations.
Our hangovers too.
So you see what I mean, right? There’s a little problem.
The problem is…does all of that go together? At first, we said: tiny wedding and ceremony with family, then we can have a huge party and invite everyone a bit later. That sounded good.
Then we said we should have a tiny wedding on an island (where the weather is always beautiful, to alleviate my weather anxiety) but then we went to the wedding of two friends who decided to get married last minute, and they rented out a big house upstate and just told everyone to come hang out, totally casual, and that seemed perfect to us. Then after that, we thought Corsica would be perfect. Then the American South. Then, then, then…
So there you have it. We don’t know yet, but we’re totally fine, so no need to worry – we love coming up with all kinds of crazy ideas, letting our imaginations run wild.
But today I thought it would be really great if you all could tell me about your favorite weddings, so I can get some inspiration from your experiences, and also what you learned from your own weddings, or from weddings you attended.
Maybe then I’ll start getting a clearer idea of what the wedding will be like…and maybe I’ll even be able to imagine my dress. What do you think?
PS: I really want to know! I’ll stay around this morning to read/answer your comments :)
Translated by Andrea Perdue