Last week when I was re-reading my posts, I realized I’ve really been mentioning my boyfriend, Chris, a lot lately. And I wondered what that meant, whether it was good, or irritating, or weird, and what line I should take as a writer regarding my private life.
And then I thought to myself that it was normal for him to show up in my writing. We’ve just moved in together, we do a lot of things together, and he inspires me.
And I also thought about one of the things that bothers me the most in celebrity interviews — the ones who make absolutely sure to never reveal anything about their private lives. I respect that, and I have no idea what it must be like to be constantly avoiding the tabloids, but, when someone interests me, I want to know their point of view on absolutely everything.
For me, the line between public life and private life is blurry. I talk about absolutely everything with my friends, because I don’t think there’s anything exceptional about the things that happen to me, whether they’re good or bad, glorious or embarrassing.
It’s when we share that we get to know ourselves better, that we’re able to help each other, and that we break down walls in relationships that shouldn’t be there in the first place.
I love and have enormous respect for women who express themselves on private subjects that have the potential to encourage others. Angelina Jolie, my mom friends here in this post, Lena Dunham on just about everything, or even Cara Delevingne, who is pretty admirable in her own unique way — these women don’t hesitate to be vulnerable in other people’s eyes, and they reassure me because they show us that a perfect life just isn’t something that exists.
Having a blog is tricky because it’s “live” and has a direct impact on the people around us. We’re constantly toeing the line, and there have been lots of things I would have liked to tell you, but kept to myself over the years.
In general, I always open up a bit later, because touchy subjects tend to become easier to grasp with time. Writing a book was great for that. The last chapter of my book talks about love, and I was finally able to put to bed (hahah) a few things I hadn’t really been able to talk about here.
People sometimes ask me, for example, if it bothered me that my relationship with Scott was so public. The answer is, not really. I never felt any pressure, personally. I never tried to pretend we were the perfect couple, or a “power couple” or anything like that. And, with a few exceptions, I always found people to be extremely respectful, even when we broke up.
I started blogging in 2006, when blogs were literally like reading a stranger’s diary. No one was getting famous with blogs back then — the most you could do was make friends through them. You wrote about your life, and no one was trying to make people believe they were perfect and rich and perfectly dressed in their perfect apartments.
I often wonder why women are so good at turning against themselves.
We were given total freedom of speech (no advertisers to blame here) thanks to the Internet, and for whatever reason, it’s quickly become a tool for self-promotion, and as a result, self-criticism and a tool of frustration. Because yes, there will always be someone more beautiful, richer, younger, or more talented than us. Especially since we are all so careful to only show the perfect parts of our lives.
And in that regard, Instagram takes the cake.
I’m totally guilty of it myself, as you know.
And that’s why sometimes, when I talk about my boyfriend, or I show photos of us happy and smiling on Instagram, I’d also like to tell you about the difficult times, how we started out, how we met — all the things I talk about with my friends for hours, the total lack of self confidence that happens when you fall in love, the misunderstandings between men and women that can afflict us and make us freak out and cry for hours, and also the incredible and amazing things that happen when you fall in love when you’re more mature, less sure of yourself, but ready to give and forgive, and once again, ready to be vulnerable.
So I’m going to stop asking myself crazy questions about the line between public life and private life and I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and trying to do it better by following the example of the women I mentioned earlier along with so many others, while also continuing to protect the people around me — even if most of them are already completely aware of what’s going on in my life, and totally cool with the idea that whatever happens to me will eventually end up on the blog at some point, in some form.
I hope that’s ok with you. In the meantime, don’t believe all the BS you hear. Keep being vulnerable, honest, and tolerant. And keep crying. And keep smiling!!!
Translated by Andrea Perdue