I’m not a dress girl. I just got done counting all the dresses in my closet, and I have exactly three of them – three of which I absolutely never wear.
However, the day I cut my hair, I swore on the head of Jean Seberg that I would be much more feminine. So yeah, I wear twice as much makeup and I put on earrings, sometimes. But, when it comes to dresses, we’re still at less than zero.
You have to understand – I feel vulnerable in a dress because I have kind of a complicated body. Dresses that are a bit baggy, or completely straight, which I love, don’t work when you have boobs. I call it the hot air balloon effect: your breasts give you a sort of full look that extends down around your waist and it’s just not the best effect.
Nope. When you have cleavage, you have to find dresses that highlight your waist, while also avoiding the Real Housewives effect, which is no easy task. Because let’s not forget that boobs + cinched waist = very (too) sexy.
So, yeah. You can either look like a potato sack or be way too sexy – and right there, that’s the strange dilemma of the woman with curves.
So anyway, my fashion determination being what it is (zero) (basically, clothes have to fall into my arms right when I go into the store, otherwise I never buy anything), I had given up on dresses and decided to stick to what I know: skirts.
But all that was without counting on Sarah and her secret weapon.
So Sarah, my stylist I was telling you about the other day, couldn’t come to terms with the idea of letting me leave for Cannes without a few daytime outfits. But I was like: “Nah, come on, it’s fine – I can dress myself during the day! After all, I’m a well-known fashion blogger, come on, nahhh, seriously, it’s fine, really” but she said to me: “You never know.”
So when I saw how beautiful the dresses she picked out were, I let her convince me to try them on, and no, it wasn’t AT ALL like you might imagine – I didn’t start crying tears of joy over my miraculous makeover and no violins started playing.
Nope, it was a small drama.
See, told you, the thing with dresses is that they don’t look good on me, I said to Sarah. They’re too big at the waist, too tight in the chest, they make me look dumpy… and that’s when she said, “No – look! You just have to take it in a little here, here, and here (she put her hands under my armpits to show me there was too much fabric there) and it will look really beautiful!”
Same thing for every dress. Take it in a little here, throw a belt on, and suddenly…
Yo, I was a dress girl.
Which is great because there’s nothing much better than a dress in the summer to stay cool in the heat, feel super feminine, and travel light. I’ve always loved the feeling of being in a dress, and uh… how can I say this without seeming super old-school… um, dresses, unlike short hair, well, guys love them! (Let’s just say wearing a dress with short hair cancels itself out, I guess – I’m not that old school!!!)
To make a long story short, the secret to life (ok, the secret to fashion) is getting your clothes tailored. Because you have to be completely crazy to believe that a piece of clothing will fit perfectly just like that when you first try it off the rack.
And when you get your clothes tailored, you’ll suddenly start hearing everyone say you’re a total knockout.
And you’ll think: ah, but I’ve got a secret weapon.
So that was the lesson of the day, and I really hope I’ll manage to use it, myself!
Translated by Andrea Perdue