Before I even moved to New York, I’d already heard countless stories– “once you leave the city, you meet the one and live happily ever after.”
But, what happens when you still live in New York and are trying to tackle the dating scene?? Well, there’s a lot…
Living in New York comes with challenges already. There’s too many people, the terrible smells, the tiny apartments with the sky rocket rents. Now, adding dating into the mix?! It can sometimes feel overwhelming. With dating, comes the usual stressors: “omg what do I wear?” “Can I text this?” “He just texted me this, what do I say back?!” and the constant self-doubt that can easily wash over you should he not text you back in under an hour (which is actually nothing and this is just a testament to how everyone is overly glued to their phones).
There’s the same old questions. When you’re sitting with your girlfriends at a bar very single and wondering, where are the single men? Are they in Brooklyn at some chill bar? Where do they hang out and how can I meet them? Eventually though, whether it be through friends of friends, chance, a dating app or some other way, you’ll end up dating someone, which in turn brings me to my next point.
In the 4 years that I’ve lived in New York, I’ve dated 5 or so guys, none of whom lasted, but all of whom taught me something about the dating scene.
Case #1: The Emotionally Unavailable
About 2 years ago, I met him through friends of friends. I hadn’t met anyone in a year. He was great. He sent me cute text messages, came to my birthday party with all my friends, took me out on Valentine’s Day and bought me a present. I thought to myself, I’m so lucky, I finally found someone in New York that I actually like (and likes me?)! Flash forward a few months, we’re sitting on his stoop when he tells me, “I can’t and I won’t” be in a relationship. As if I’m some business deal gone wrong.
This wasn’t the end of our story by any means. Yes, I did break it off right then and there. And no, that’s not the last time I heard from him. He even told me he liked me more than his ex girlfriend of four years, but he just couldn’t be in a relationship. Fucker.
Case #2: More often than not, they come back.
I was sitting at a bar with my friend a few weeks ago, discussing dating and all the guys who have come back. Nothing serious ever happened with them, we lost touch, things fizzled out or one of us never answered the other. This leaves things open ended and thus, the ability for them to come back into our lives. Even a year can go by without hearing from this person, yet one day, you look down at your phone and BAM, there they are. Yes, they’re still alive. Latest case in point was a text from someone I hadn’t heard from in over 9 months saying, “Still craving you…” Ummmm??
Case #3: The Oribter
He stopped texting you for no apparent reason, yet he’s still very interested in what you’re doing. He’ll like all your pictures on Instagram, he’ll watch all your stories, yet he’ll never reach out. His presence is orbiting you, but he’s not there. This brings me to my latest fling of 2 months. It all started over dinner and drinks, which led to a trip to the Hamptons and meeting his brother, which led to him going out with my friends, and so on. Then one day, you never hear from him again, yet he’s still there… he orbits you, but stays silent.
This also brings me back to the point that people in New York just loooove to leave things open ended. Perhaps, they don’t meet anyone else, or are bored one day and think of you (the reasons are endless). Yet, since nothing ever happened between you two and you never had an ending, they can waltz right back into your life.
With the countless options of things to do in this sleepless city, new people to meet, new restaurants to try, new bars to check out and more parties to hit… I couldn’t help but wonder: are there just too many options that it actually leaves us with none at all?
*This piece was written by an anonymous member of the Atelier Doré community.