Tub Thoughts

Where’s the Self Love?

3 years ago by

Where’s the Self Love?

I’m pretty aware of the social interactions that take place in my day to day. Exchanging a smile with a fellow sardine on the L train, sparking conversation with the cashier at Whole Foods, laughing with an eccentric stranger on the street- these little moments are part of why I love New York. But lately, my attention has been on the internal communication I participate in. For some reason, the harshest comments I hear are the ones in the back of my own mind, directed at me. I’ve become more aware of the immense pressure we face, and how the relationship you have with yourself is arguably the most delicate of all. I think being mindful is probably the first step to breaking a vicious cycle of self-judgement and criticism. I would never think about (let alone speak to!) a friend the way I think and speak to myself at times. How does self acceptance grow into self love? At what point do we stop comparing ourselves to the millions of people who will always be smarter, funnier, wealthier, prettier, thinner, and start appreciating the perfect combination of existence that we already are? Or, is constantly striving to better ourselves a healthy target? Where is the line that separates pushing ourselves to grow, and being proud of what we are, perfectly imperfect in this exact moment?


Add yours
  • I see myself in this article. I don’t feel that my inner self pressures me in terms of my body image. But I do feel the pressure to be perfect in what I do. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a Virgo, but I always was super hard on myself. Even in school, I forced myself to do the very best project in the class or to have the best score! Today, I’m exactly the same with my work! I don’t know how to stop it, but I feel that I’m a bit more “lazy” and for me… that’s a good sign! It means that I’m a bit less obcessed!

  • By always keeping in mind that other people are human too, and they have their flaws and problems as we do . Kisses

  • I live for this post! Bravo x

  • Absolutely beautiful ?

  • I love that you touch this subject and I think it could be a very interesting topic for the blog: How to learn to love youself?


  • I think that the line is very fine. :)

    I’m in my 40s so I’ve lived for some time and in my experience it’s very dangerous to push yourself all the time.

    Of course it makes all the difference what you push yourself for. If you push yourself for something that YOU really really want, it’s not so bad.

    But very often we think that we want something but actually we just want it to be more accepted by others.

    I’ve learned that it’s very important to try to be satisfied with yourself. And not to try to improve your weaknesses but develop your strengths.

    And it’s important to think with your own head, not to let everyone else to define you. Even if it seems that what you feel snd think is sooo different from what others think and feel. (And often it’s not so different, it’s just that people are afraid to admit those feelings and thoughts).

    It’s normal to feel the need to be accepted by others. To be more kind to other people is one way to start the good circle.

    Trying to appreciate yourself and respecting others- that’s the only way to be happy anyway. :)

  • The voice of the inner critic is seductive because it is so familiar, and our culture doesn’t discourage self-flagellation (whether internal or aloud).

    I have some suggestions about how to notice, question, and then let go of this habit: http://www.teachingbalance.com/blog/2017/10/16/stop-beating-yourself-up

    <3 Kristin

  • This makes me a bit sad, because I think the city you live in and the field you work in increase your problem on a daily basis. It’s all about competition and looking at others and being looked at constantly.
    Even here on the blog by the Atelier, you constantly talk about very successful people who do everything super perfectly, being super “creative” (I find this word super tiring to be honest), super organized, super beautiful, super smart with raising their children, dealing successfully with problems at work or whatever you can think about.
    HOW could you feel comfortable ? How could you accept to be sometimes (or often) not perfect, when the truth is not spoken ? By truth I mean the fact that all these perfect people are just like everyone else, trying to do their best, but also having a lot of doubts, problems, etc, and THAT’S OK.
    And what I find really really sad, it’s that this pressure may actually kill our cognitive or creative abilities, because our mind is not free, always feeling guilty, wanting to show off. This way our mind cannot function properly.
    It’s hard to love ourself when there is soooo much pressure ! Unless you realize that all of this is just a show.

  • Clotilde, yes!!! You are spot on.

  • I actually despise the phrase ‘perfectly imperfect’. Nobody in their right mind would ever want to be perfect. To suggest you could be perfectly imperfect defeats the purpose of self acceptance. Accept that you and everyone around you has flaws. And that’s ok! I personally stay away from perfect. I’d rather be sunny, wonderful, awesome, kind bitchy, funny, drunk, smart, dumb, thin, chubby, foxy or a combo of all of these rather than ‘perfectly imperfect’. ‘Perfect’ is an illusion and it can fuck off.

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